Of all the topics covered in this series, being genuine is by far the most important. Many of the other topics will help you with your relationships, but if you lack authenticity in your relations that fact will come to the surface at some point. When it does, know that all credibility you have built to that point will be suspect. The concept of ‘faking it until you make it’ couldn’t be further from reality when building relationships, and doing such is risking all the genuine effort you will be investing in the relationship. People do not expect you to be perfect, in fact they know you aren’t. As a result, exposing your imperfections can only lead to stronger bonds as you grow with another individual. Let’s go deeper into what it really takes to be genuine.
BE YOURSELF
Even in text I can still hear the collective ‘Well, of course!’ you likely just thought. However, sometimes truly being yourself is the biggest hurdle. When we are ourselves, we risk exposing aspects that others may not like. That’s good, let’s get that out of the way early! People don’t have to like all of you to truly like you, and some may just decide that aspect of you is enough to not like you at all. Be happy that was resolved early on, before you invested in building a relationship that won’t work in the long run. Not everyone will like you, and that’s okay.
DON’T JUDGE OTHERS
Genuine people are open-minded. They don’t let themselves form opinions of others before they have enough information to decide intelligently what that opinion should be. When you come across things about another person that you may not agree with, take the time to look at it from their perspective. You’ll often find one of two things, either you’re at a different place that gives you a different perspective or perhaps they have strengths in areas that are your weaknesses. Either of these create an opportunity for growth or synergy that can enhance the relationship. Other times what you learn may be enough to determine this is the wrong individual to be building a relationship with, but be sure before closing that door. It’s very difficult to open again.
LISTEN FIRST, BUT SPEAK YOUR MIND
As I discussed previously, listening is highly effective in building relationships. But listening can’t be everything, you also need to contribute. When it does become time to do the speaking, make sure what you speak is what you believe. This means you need to be intentional in your building of opinions. Don’t simply read social media or watch the news and let them mold your opinions. Do research on topics that are important to you, learn about all perspectives pertaining to them, and then use that information to determine your own beliefs. Once you build these concepts that doesn’t mean they are set in stone and you need to sway others to your opinion. They are simply a foundation that others can add additional input around that may enhance your views and even change your perspective.
EMBRACE FAILURE
No one is perfect, and you’re included in that group. You’ll make mistakes, you’ll fail, you’ll make poor decisions. That’s all okay, as no one wins every time, and the more you try the more you will fail. Embrace those failures and do not hide them. As you learn from them, others can as well. Remember, true success is just outside of your comfort zone. Stretching brings success, but not guaranteed success. When people see you failing, and learning from it, you become even more genuine. They can relate, and maybe even commiserate, as they go through their own challenges and failures.
Genuine people are comfortable with who they are and have a strong self-esteem. Those traits are contagious. They will attract people and create bonds that lead to long lasting relationships. Be genuine in everything you do as a core of your character.
This is a continuation of our series on Maximizing Relationships.
